Al Truistic Hour No. 26: The Return to a Different Place Without Permission

After a long four months of silence, finally I am alive again. I am in a new place (an attic) in a new place (New England by way of Portland, Maine). The fog rolls in each day bringing whisperings of old forgotten gods and Lovecraftian horrors unmentionable. But who gives a shit about that, we've got rock n' roll at out backs, chasing us ever onward. Deeper and deeper into the points of no return which no one ever returns from. And so I'm back! My real voice will be lacking for some time into the unforeseeable future, but I have a friendly robot who can interface directly with this box to translate for me. In the meantime, let's get right back into it:

Those who have not returned:

the Surfaces- Phantoman
Cream- White Room
Vertebrats- Let in the Dark
the Damned- Grimly Fiendish
Rikk Agnew- One Shot
Jackson C. Frank- Blues Run the Game
Phil Ochs- Tape from California
Bogshed- C'mon Everybody
Fishbone- Ma and Pa
Ausgang- Girl Gristle
Blasphemy- Ritual
Hellhammer- Maniac
Pumice- Tsk
Poison Girls- Under the Doctor
Tuxedomoon- 59 to 1
Revenge- Survival (the Absolute Truth)
No Trend- Family Style
Brave New World- Just Enjoying the View
Arch Criminals- Twist MY Way
Skafish- Disgracing the Family Name
Start- No Direction
Pointed Sticks- I'm Numb
Camberwell Now- Greenfingers
Blood Axis- Reign I Forever

There are some weird hiccups in this one, but believe me, it's better than the shrieking garbage that had been mucking up the last three hours I tried to record. That's what drove me away for so long, and NO I wasn't just playing shrieking garbage, this noise was unintentional.

Technical is Difficulty

Greetings Earth Peers! Unfortunately I've been having some technical difficulties with the hour. These don't make the show impossible to do, just incredibly aggravating, as I have been having to record each episode at least three times to get it to come out right. I have the next show recorded, but it still sounds godawful in a number of spots, so it will have to be re-re-recorded. In the meantime, I'm looking for better solutions. So hang in there, and I promise to get you some good music again at some point.

Al Truistic Hour No.25: Repeating Ourselves All Over Again

Oh Hello. I didn't see you come in. Oh Hello. I didn't see you. Oh... Hello. We started a little while ago. But that's all over now. Everyone woke up, so the dream is over. Here it is: Reality! Behold the waste of your life. Your life in ruin. Your music interrupted.

Affected Areas:
The White Lodge- Lost Season
Naked Raygun- The Web
Sort Sol- Walking on Red
the Damned- Edward the Bear
Gary Numan- Me I Disconnect from You
the Scientists- Frantic Romantic
Asa-Chang- Xylophone
Milk Cult- Clown Party 3
the Red Krayola- the Jewels of the Madonna
the United States of America- Stranded in Time
Square Pusher- Fat Controller
the Rezillos- Flying Saucer Attack
Spacemen 3- Mary Anne
Dog Faced Hermans- Blessed are the Follies
Porest- We Eat the People
the Crucifucks- the Savior
the Lewd- Magnetic Heart
the Shapes- Kids' Stuff
KUKL- Assassin
Sons of Sun- the Pirate Kid's Adventure

Al Truistic Hour No. 24: How Can the Future be in Two Places at Once?

  



Go back out the way you came in. Inverse reverse perverse. Think of it this way, you're gaining an hour and a half of death. Good on ya! Time is everything. A moody episode. An omitted episode. Who is lost?

List of Mysteries:

Rapoon- Dusk Red Walls
Magic Carpet- the Phoenix
Zoviet France- Feel the Warmth
Jesus Cadaver- Suicide by Werewofl
Beatnigs- Nature
Burning Spear- Free
White Noise- My Game of Loving
UNKLE- Unreal
Jedi Mind Tricks- Death March
Test Dept.- Kick to Kill
23 Skidoo- IY
Killing Joke- Unspeakable
Severed Heads- the Ant Can See Legs
Jean-Michel Jarre- Oxygene Part 4
Tuxedomoon- Volo Vivace
Second Layer- Courts or Wars
Minimal Man- Stop Running

Al Truistic Hour No.22: Purchase History

AT&T is a company with a tradition of delivering on our promises. I'm pleased to report that in 2006, we continued that tradition. We promised to increase stockholder value, and we did. We promised to position our company for long-term growth, and we did.

Constituents:
Flower Travellin' Band- Saotori Part I
Mentally Ill- Gacy's Place
Alternative TV- How Much Longer?
Desperate Bicycles- Smokescreen
the Clash- Career Opportunities
Joy Division- Interzone
the Cure- Hanging Garden
the Monks- Higgle-Dy-Piggle-Dy
Medieval- I Don't Like You
Really Big Balls- Music Editor
Angry Samoans- the Todd Killings
the Velvet Underground- Lady Govinda's Operation
Shellac- Be Prepared
Throbbing Gristle- the Worm Waits Its Turn
Aphrodite's Child- the Four Horsemen
Snivellingshits- Terminal Stupid
Poison Idea- Star of Baghdad
Scratch Acid- the Greatest Gift
Ruins- Anaclasis
Bauhaus- God in an Alcove
Boyd Rice- Sunset

Al Hour No.21: All Hail the New Jeer

Yes all hail the New Jeer. Were you aware of products. Did you know they exist, and can already help you in ways unimaginable. Products can even help you imagine new ways to use products. This is not what you think, no. I love you. But never mind that now. We're one year closer to annihilation. All Hail Discordia. Begin digging holes to place your heads in.

Regrets:
Suicidal Tendencies- Suicide's an Alternative
Reagan Youth- New Aryans
Detention- Dead Rock n' Rollers
Table- Sex Cells
Adolescents- Word Attack
Bad Brains- Riot Squad
Propaghandi- And We Thought the Nation States Were a Bad Idea
Inanimate Objects- Intellicide
the Molls- White Stains
Josie McDermott- Collier's Reel
Brion Gysin- Junk
Amon Duul II- Rattlesnakeshake
CAN- Come Sta: La Luna
Einsturzende Neubauten- Der Weg ins Freie
Simon and Garfunkel- Leave that are Green
the Rolling Stones- I am Waiting
Fred Neil- Badi Da
the Godz- Like a Sparrow
Os Mutantes- Jogo da Calcada
Sun City Girls- Vomiting Diamonds
the Buzzcocks- You Say You Don't Love Me
Frank Sumatra and the Mob- the Story so Far

Unwanted Down Time

   

A fine ahoy to you all out there. Unfortunately for me, I have upgraded my computer's operating system, which means everything is running great... except for my audio software. So I'm currently on the ropes as far as recording a new episode, which is a shame because I've got a really good one on deck. A double shame because I've already recorded it twice, but it sounds like shit (totally, not just a little bit, if it was a little bit it would be up right now). But third time, and working software should be the charm. Until that happens, my buddy Carl has tipped me off to this little gem.

These chaps, Komar and Melamid, and Dave Soldier began a project a number of years ago to produce true art for the people. They conducted extensive surveys with literally hundreds of individuals of countries all over the world and produced alternately the most wanted and most un-wanted paintings of each nation.

They then went further and sought out what people wanted from their music. After exhaustive research, they ended up producing one gem and one absolute piece of crap. I have only put up the "un-wanted" song because I believe, quite frankly that it is one of the best and funniest pieces of music I have ever heard. I am apparently one of only a postulated 200 people in the entire world who will think this. I have another two already accounted for, so that leaves another 197 slots still available to enjoy this piece of music... er, umm, crap.

A note from the composer:

This survey confirms the hypothesis that today’s popular music indeed provides an accurate estimate of the wishes of the vox populi. The most favored ensemble, determined from a rating by participants of their favorite instruments in combination, comprises a moderately sized group (three to ten instruments) consisting of guitar, piano, saxophone, bass, drums, violin, cello, synthesizer, with low male and female vocals singing in rock/r&b style. The favorite lyrics narrate a love story, and the favorite listening circumstance is at home. The only feature in lyric subjects that occurs in both most wanted and unwanted categories is “intellectual stimulation.” Most participants desire music of moderate duration (approximately 5 minutes), moderate pitch range, moderate tempo, and moderate to loud volume, and display a profound dislike of the alternatives. If the survey provides an accurate analysis of these factors for the population, and assuming that the preference for each factor follows a Gaussian (i.e. bell-curve) distribution, the combination of these qualities, even to the point of sensory overload and stylistic discohesion, will result in a musical work that will be unavoidably and uncontrollably “liked” by 72 plus or minus 12% (standard deviation; Kolmogorov-Smirnov statistic) of listeners.

The most unwanted music is over 25 minutes long, veers wildly between loud and quiet sections, between fast and slow tempos, and features timbres of extremely high and low pitch, with each dichotomy presented in abrupt transition. The most unwanted orchestra was determined to be large, and features the accordion and bagpipe (which tie at 13% as the most unwanted instrument), banjo, flute, tuba, harp, organ, synthesizer (the only instrument that appears in both the most wanted and most unwanted ensembles). An operatic soprano raps and sings atonal music, advertising jingles, political slogans, and “elevator” music, and a children's choir sings jingles and holiday songs. The most unwanted subjects for lyrics are cowboys and holidays, and the most unwanted listening circumstances are involuntary exposure to commericals and elevator music. Therefore, it can be shown that if there is no covariance—someone who dislikes bagpipes is as likely to hate elevator music as someone who despises the organ, for example—fewer than 200 individuals of the world's total population would enjoy this piece.

Art for the people—
Your pal, Dave Soldier
June 1997

So without any further reading to do on your part, here is the most unwanted song in the world!